Sometimes, a relationship may turn violent and force you to leave it. You have to be alert and prepare yourself once you decide to leave an abusive relationship. Here are some basic precautions to take before walking out.
For a victim of domestic violence, walking out of the relationship can be difficult. She is most likely to be afraid of what the abuser would do when he finds out. This is especially true in cases where young children are involved. If you are a victim, there are a number of precautions you can take to minimise the chances of being discovered. Read on to know some tips to be considered while leaving an abusive relationship.
Recognise danger signals
Once you have decided to leave the relationship, you will still require some time to get your affairs in order. During this period, you may still be living in the same house as your attacker. You need to do whatever you can to protect yourself from his abuse. One way is to recognise the signs of an impending attack. Most abusers follow a pattern when it comes to their violent spells. Once you figure out the pattern, you may be able to predict at least some of the attacks.
Know where to go
Identify certain areas in the house, where you are likely to remain safe, in case an attack happens. Unsafe places include small, enclosed places like the bathroom, where it is easy to be trapped. Another one is the kitchen since an attacker has access to many potential weapons. Try to draw your abuser into a room with a phone or an outside door. At least you can try to seek help if things get out of hand.
In addition, find refuge outside the home. Have a list of places you can escape to without arousing suspicion. For example, if you sense an argument is going to take place, you should have an excuse to leave the house immediately. Make sure that the excuse sounds believable. Also, when you leave the house, go to that place only. This will prevent any suspicion in case your abuser follows you.
Be prepared to leave suddenly
Even the best-laid plans can turn upside down sometimes. While you are planning to break all the relationships with your abuser, you should still be prepared for any emergency. Keep aside some money and clothing for you and your children. If you do not feel it will be secure in your home, entrust it to a trustworthy neighbour or friend for safekeeping.
Follow the same procedure for important documents like birth certificates, driver's license, passports, medical records, etc. Also, make copies of papers pertaining to joint assets if you are unable to take the originals with you. Keep valuables like gold, jewellery, etc. in a safe deposit box in the bank. Finally, make copies of your house and car keys.
Practice your escape
Once you have figured out how you are going to leave the relationship, you need to practice your escape plan. Rehearse your getaway scenario whenever you can. If you have children, make them practice too. The idea is to become confident so that you and your children know exactly what to do when the right moment arises. Remember that leaving your abuser is a stressful and dangerous situation. A moment of hesitation or uncertainty can make all the difference between a safe escape and a physical confrontation.
Have emergency contacts
While planning your departure, you will need to ask people for some help. Contact friends or relatives and ask them if they will help you out. They may have to provide you transportation, give you place to stay for a while, or file a police complaint on your behalf. Make sure that these individuals are trustworthy and will not give away your location to the abuser.
Another thing is to write down or memorise the numbers of local domestic violence organisations and shelters. Ensure that your children also know the emergency numbers. If you are attacked and left incapacitated, your children will at least be able to call for help.
It takes courage to end an abusive relationship. A well thought out leaving strategy and safety plan is the key to getting you through this turbulent time.
Is walking out the best option when a person is being abused? Should a victim seek official help or rely on her friends? What issues must a person consider before leaving? To share your views and experiences,click here.