If you are married to your online love, living together is not easy. Here's how to make the transition from online love to real love, smooth.
When I met my wife online a few years ago there was absolutely no doubt in my mind that we would be together for the rest of our lives. I knew I was going to marry her, and that she was The One.
We had a great online relationship, but just as there is a world of difference between dating and marriage, this difference is even more pronounced in the world of online dating. It is important to make the transition with realistic expectations in mind.
The process of moving in was quite involved. For me, it meant a re-location from London to San Diego. Apart from the obvious culture shock of moving from one country to another, I also had to give up my work, my family, friends and all possessions I could not carry with me.
If that wasn't stressful enough, I was moving into a life I had never been a part of. Online lovers don't usually have much opportunity to be with each other in normal real-life situations. I think many couples fail to realize that you are not just moving into another person's home, you are moving into their life. Yes, you have shared intimate details with each other over the web and phone, but things change when you start living together. You are setting up a new life, with new friends, new family and, in a lot of cases, a completely different culture.
Based on my experiences, here are a few suggestions to ease the transition of moving in with someone you haven't spent a lot of real-time with.
Just like all relationships, in the courting stage, one feels the euphoria of a new love and tends to not see things that could present a problem in the future. Find out if you have enough in common, and if your mindsets match.
Know as much about the place you are moving to as possible. What are the people like? What is the culture like? Is there anything special you need to know? The web is an excellent tool for this.
If you are the person moving to be with the other, set up your own interests and activities in the new city. If you like sports, join a local club that offers sports you have an interest in. Sign up for classes. It is very important that you meet new friends of your own and build a life for yourself, without having to completely depend on your partner for socializing.
Be aware that this is a big change for both, and living together make take a little getting used to after the initial high has worn off. Be prepared that it is probably not going to be as easy as you imagined and your relationship is something you will have to work at.
Give each other space. You may have given up a lot to move in with your partner, but your partner too is giving up his space and trying to adjust to someone new in his house, and his life. Both of you will need to make some compromises and adjustments.
Be romantic. Surprise each other with breakfast in bed. Leave notes for each other. Go out of your way to make the other person feel special and know how happy you are to have them in your life.