Having problems with your in-laws? While some are lucky to have great in-laws, many complain that my in-laws are ruining my marriage. Problems with in-laws can be a major source of stress and worry. Read about how to deal with difficult in-laws and how to cope with in law problems.
Everything seems to be going well. You have met the Prince of your dreams and had a memorable wedding day. You are still basking in the afterglow of your new wonderful life. But, you are absolutely not prepared for what you are about to encounter next. Problems with in-laws! What! You thought that happened only in the movies or television serials! Well, no, so now you wonder how to deal with these irrational in-laws and deal with in-law problems.
Shobha was newly married. Shobha was feeling very disturbed because of her mother-in-law's behaviour. Her mother-in-law tried to dominate over her every time and according to her only what she said was correct. This left Shobha feeling very upset after work everyday and made her mentally tired.
You too might be experiencing something like this or similar. The following are some of the common in-law problems faced by people.
My In-Laws Ignore Me and Show Favouritism
Sometimes in-laws show favouritism towards their own children as compared to their child's spouse. Healthy parents will welcome their child's spouse with open arms and like their own if the spouse is a loving and kind person. A spouse of a child is a new family member and should receive warmth and acceptance from their partner's parents.
When the in-laws call up or visit, they may show more interest in their child's life. When they call, they may enquire more about their child and show signs that they want the phone to be given to their child and they are just talking to you because you picked up the phone. They might give their child more lavish gifts.
These kinds of gestures and disinterest may cause hurt and make a spouse feel left out and not valued in the presence of in-laws.
Interfering In-Laws
My in-laws are ruining my marriage is a common dilemma expressed by many married couples. Some in-laws are very intrusive. They pop up at unwanted times. If you and your husband are planning to go out for a vacation, they invite themselves along. They keep dropping over at your place. They call too frequently which can leave the couple feeling smothered and with no breathing space. They do not respect your need for privacy.
Being Criticized by In-Laws
Some in-laws always find a reason to criticize their son-in-law or daughter-in-law. Sarcastic comments or frequent criticism can be painful.
If you are lucky you might have wonderful and very supportive in-laws. But others might not be as lucky and may not have in-laws as good as yours.
So, if you are facing problems with your in-laws, these are some solutions.
How to Deal with in-law Problems
Putting your Marriage first
Do not let problems with your in-laws pose a problem in your relationship. In some situations daughter-in-laws seek divorce, citing the reason as problem with in-laws. Do not let problems with in-laws spoil an otherwise happy marriage. Put your marriage first.
Show Respect
It is true that it is hard to show respect to someone who hates you. But you should respect them at least for these two reasons. The fact that they are much elder to you and that they are your husband's parents. You should be grateful for the fact that your husband's parents brought up their son well. Well enough for you to have fallen for him and committed to spend your entire life with him. If they were not good parents your husband might have turned out to be an altogether different person or even someone horrible.
Help your Spouse
If you are facing problems with your husband's parents, your husband should take steps to solve the issue. Likewise, if your husband is facing problems with your parents, you should step in and help fix it.
Helpful Advice
At the end of the day, one must remember that they are parents too. If you are at fault accept your mistake humbly. In some cases the in-laws may actually be nasty and mean which is very unlucky.
But in some other cases, they might not have malice in their heart and whatever problems they cause you is not being done intentionally. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the situation from their perspective.
Is the relationship between you and your in-laws warm? What advice would you give to those who are facing such problems? To share your experiences, views, and tips, click here.