If you are being abused, should you stay in the marriage for the sake of your children

My husband and I constantly fight. He abuses me often, and at times he even hits me. I want to leave him, but we have a 5-year-old son, and I want my son to grow up in a normal family, with both parents. What should I do Should I stay with my husband for the sake of my child

Numerous couples around the world are confronted with this situation. They fall out of love with each other, argue all the time, may even have extra-marital affairs, but when it comes to splitting up, they are torn between whether they should stay together for the sake of the children, or whether they should move apart.

Identify the situation for what it really is. Why is your marriage not working? Is it because you have simply fallen out of love with each other and want to move on to perhaps a bigger and better future? Do you argue constantly? Or is one partner abusive towards the other?

If you constantly argue and cannot seem to see eye to eye, it is very possible that you are not understanding, or not trying to understand each other. Your husband may act in a certain way that makes you upset although he does not want to upset you. Similarly, your wife may do something that irritates you, but you should realize that it is not her aim to irritate you.

Arguments

Realise that you are two different people, and you will do things differently, and, surprising though it may seem, little issues are one of the prime causes of outbursts between couples. If this is the situation, understand that you are likely to have the same issues even if you marry another, and whether or not you have children, try and work out these issues before considering separating. Go to a counselor if you must. Counselors help both partners see each other's points of view. Very often, you may not be able to tell your husband what he said or did that made you angry or upset, so he just keeps doing it, while you keep getting angrier. Communication is key, and if your relationship is already strained, you may need help communicating and should consider counseling. Consider opting out of the marriage only after trying everything else.

Abuse

We often hear of wives that suffer abuse at the hands of their husbands or in-laws, but still want to stay on in the marriage for the sake of the children. If you are staying on in an abusive marriage because you feel it is better for the children, you are wrong. Doing so will only harm your children. Constant exposure to abuse takes a strong negative toll on children. Such children are more likely to take to smoking, excessive drinking or drugs. Their studies may suffer they may take to bullying and other anti-social activities. They may also presume that it is normal for husbands to abuse their wives, and such children may do the same with their spouses. On the other hand, they may learn from their parent's mistakes, but this will definitely be a harsh way of learning. Some children lose respect for the abused parent and tend to be rude or even abusive towards the parent as they grow up.

Peace

Children need a peaceful environment at home, and it is wrong for you to assume that they will be better off with both parents in such a situation. Arguing every now and again will not harm the children as long as there is affection between the two of you, and you still have some laughing, happy moments and communication. But if you are being abused, then many counselors feel that walking out is a better option for your sake and for the sake of your kids.